i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
