I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
