Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize