So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
