Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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