I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
