Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
