U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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