you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you made out with another girl for some wings
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
