I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
