would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
