I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
