I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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