i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize