Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
