How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
