omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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