I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
50% drunk capacity currently
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
