please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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