You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
