i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He shit in the fireplace
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
