I am spending my child support on dildos
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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