all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
