gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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