marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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