dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
