Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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