I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
