I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
