Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
