my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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