do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
