OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
