Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
