One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
