cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
