things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize