I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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