i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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