Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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