A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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