We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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