i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
