Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
