I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
