one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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