so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found your dick twin last night
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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