There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
