Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Randomize
