U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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