I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize