You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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