I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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