Im at strip club and am horny
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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