maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
