When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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