Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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