Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
