There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
