the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
