Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
