You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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