are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there's paper in my vomit.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize