i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
