You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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