best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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