Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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