Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
