i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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